Guest candidate blog by Chris
Nervous but excited?
Let’s face it, Dads: whatever your situation, choosing to have children is a really daunting prospect. Am I going to know what to do? Am I going to mess them up? How do I change a nappy? Are they going to support my favourite sports team? When am I going to spend time with them?
I know that not every Dad will particularly consider that last question - but I did. And I know a lot of other Dads do also. So, if you’re worried about when you’re going to spend time with them, you’re not alone. Wanting to provide for your family whilst also getting to enjoy time with them isn’t a bad thing. Supporting your new little team isn’t just about making money to pay for the roof over their head or the food in their belly, after all - it’s also about having time to play with them. To put them to bed at night. To read them a story. Deciding whether to make a flexible working request isn’t something you need to do before the kids are born, either. You can do it at any time, so if you’re excited by the idea of being a bigger part of your family’s childcare routine, then I’d really recommend considering it.
You can still do it all, if you’re flexible
I’m an extremely proud Dad of two little wrecking balls; when my first-born was about 6
months old, I submitted a request to work my full-time hours condensed into 4 days, so that I could spend a day a week looking after him. A lot of consideration went into deciding that this was the best arrangement for our family. Whilst I couldn’t afford to drop any of my hours to work part time, I am able to work from home several times a week; even when finishing work later, on my four longer days, this hybrid set-up means that I can be around for dinner time. I’m also lucky to live close enough to the office that even when I’m required on-site, I can be home for bath and bedtime most days of the week.
It didn’t go down well to start with. The senior leadership team at the company I work for met to discuss my flexible working request and I get the impression it wasn’t a smooth conversation. Unfortunately, this wasn’t a huge surprise to me; a recent survey of 5000 dads by Working Families (https://workingfamilies.org.uk/news-events/news/barriers-to-equal-parenting/) found that 74% of them wanted to embrace equal parenting, but perceived a stigma around requesting flexibility at work. It also revealed, depressingly, that 1 in 5 of the dads questioned worried that their boss would think less of them for making a flexible working request.
However, I was lucky to have a great manager and HR coordinator who supported me through my request and the arrangement was approved on a trial basis. Nearly 3 years later, I’m still working in this pattern and getting to enjoy a day a week looking after my kids before they start school. You don’t get to do it again, so it’s important to make the most of the one chance you get.
It's not a benefit but it has so many benefits
All of this has happened in a period of my career where I’ve never been more productive, felt more confident or enjoyed my job as much as I do right now. Work life balance is important. That isn’t just a platitude, to which we all nod along; it’s something we should be shouting from the rooftops. We shouldn’t be forced to wait until the weekends or holidays to feel like we get a chance to spend time with our kids. I really enjoy what I do for a living and being happy at home makes me a much better colleague and employee.
Of course, no two people will have the same circumstances. What works for me might not work for most. But it’s only through sharing our experiences that we can start to break down the barriers and stigmas that still exist around Dads wanting to be involved in the parenting of their children. Working Families found that 1 in 5 dads had, when requesting flexibility, been on the receiving end of astonishingly inappropriate questions, such as, “Where’s your wife / partner?”, and 1 in 4 dads had missed key events in their child’s life. Hopefully, by the time my son is a father, he’ll be able to turn up to every nativity play, every class assembly and every sports day, cheering loudly for his children – but also for his ability to participate fully in their lives.