We all love to say yes. It's built into our human psyche. We want to please - to feel that tiny flare of endorphins, and to see that light of satisfaction in the eyes of the person across the table. And when that other person is your boss, there's an even stronger driver to pull out all the stops. To comply with every request. To push beyond your limits.
But those limits are there for a reason - whether that reason is your mental health, your physical capabilities or the balance you're trying to strike between work and caring responsibilities. Saying yes to everything is just so tempting, isn't it? We've all been there. But deep down, you know that there's a price to be paid for doing so. And when the time comes around to pay the bill, there's a high risk that you'll end up exhausted and burnt out. The personal price of burn-out is often underestimated; it isn't just a matter of resting up for a few weeks and getting back on that horse. On the contrary - sometimes it leaves you with such emotional overload that you never want to see the horse again. That career you once loved so much? Now you can't even contemplate returning to it. That ambition and hunger you felt for so much of your working life? Following burn out, you may never be able to light that powerful spark inside you again. And the risk of burnout in today's hectic society is alarming; a YouGov survey from January 2025 reveals that 1 in 3 adults reported feeling high or extreme levels of pressure or stress "always" or "often" last year. It's enough to make us all go running for our yoga mats, isn't it?
So how can you protect your career, and your mental health, against the dreaded spectre of burnout? Well, the first step is often a realistic assessment of what you can and can't do without making yourself ill, and the creation of some sensible (but still professional and reasonable) boundaries. We're not necessarily advocating a strict work-to-rule policy - after all, sometimes a bit of one-off flex on both sides is needed to make a project run smoothly - but it's important not to let that flex tip over into longer-term overload. And in the spirit of politely and professionally putting in place boundaries, and sticking to them, we've been reading about the power of the word "don't". It's perhaps an underused word, especially in our workplaces. If a colleague or a manager asks us to do something which is going to cause us significant difficulties - perhaps because we have no childcare or it would require us to attend the office regularly on a non-working day - we tend to respond with apologies. To explain that we're terribly sorry. That we'd love to be able to help, but that unfortunately we can't. And with that single word - can't - we've immediately handed over control of our boundary. Because, of course, if we say that we "can't" do something, then that is simply a logistical problem to which a solution can be found. The difficulty is that those potential solutions may be unmanageable for you, and that you've now placed yourself in a position where you're being drawn deeper and deeper into the conversation, and into a position from which it is harder and harder to extract yourself without fearing that you'll appear rude, or professionally uncommitted. It places you on the back foot, and into a slightly defensive mode, neither of which - let's face it - are likely to endear you to your managers. It makes you feel as though you're making excuses, or as though you could comply, if only you'd try harder.
Wouldn't it be better to take polite control of the situation from the outset, and to re-state your boundaries, so that everyone is clear on where you - and they - stand? Rather than saying that you "can't" do something - due to events outside your control - perhaps try saying that you "don't". "I don't do regular meetings on a Thursday, as it's my non-working day". "I don't join the team meeting at 6pm, as I've negotiated a 5.30 finish to make sure that I'm able to collect my child from nursery." Yes, it might feel a little uncomfortable at first - a little unfamiliar - but the more often you take the bull by the horns, the easier it'll get. Before you know it, you'll be confidently asserting yourself without any problem, and probably commanding greater respect among your peers. Once it's known that you won't be worn down with different suggestions as to how you could rearrange your childcare to find a (non-existent) nursery place at short notice, or try to supervise a 2 year old with a passion for climbing bookcases whilst simultaneously finalising a significant customer order, people will stop asking for things that perhaps just weren't reasonable requests in the first place. Please don't misunderstand - that meeting will still happen. The training session will still go ahead. The debrief will still get done. It just won't require you to tie yourself in knots and risk burnout by trying to make the logistically impossible possible.
It's a simple, straightforward change. We're not pretending that it'll come naturally, but we do think that it may have the power to protect you from crashing and burning out of a career that you love. It shows that you're in control of your own path, and gives your manager reassurance that you're not someone who's flustered by the ebbs and flows of different demands on your time. After all, do you have to risk your mental health, your wellbeing and your family's work-life balance, just to avoid the discomfort of asserting your boundaries?
No. You don't.